I Like Rain

It's a dreary Saturday morning. The skies are gray and cloudy and hold the promise of rain and the breeze is cool and wet. Maybe this is a bad thing to some of you -- the ones that have Monday through Friday jobs, perhaps, and are bummed that your first day off is so gloomy. But I was excited to see this when I looked outside this morning. Saturdays at the BK Lounge are the worst days to work. I don't know what it is, but I swear to you, people lose about half their brain cells on the days that begin with "S". It is SO HARD to be patient on a Saturday afternoon. So when I saw the potential for rain, I did a little dance. Maybe everyone will stay home!

Then again, now that I've said it...

I wrote yesterday. Real, actual fiction-y words! Granted, it was only a few hundred words, but I was thrilled. Even though I'm pretty sure they were of the Suck variety. But writing is writing and I wrote, darn it! It occurred to me that a good portion of my WiP is going to need a lot of overhauling. I write Romance/Chick Lit-y novels, and in this particular project, my two main characters don't even KISS till about 65k in. WTF, right? What was I thinking? How does that even make sense? I sure do have my work cut out for me.

Okay, I have half an hour to get ready for work, so I should probably do that. I hope everyone has an awesome Saturday! Sorry if you have icky weather that isn't making you do a happy dance!

My Dysfuctional Relationship

You know, I've had my share of dysfunctional relationships. Friendships that consisted of me doing all the calling and remembering birthdays and everything that a friendship involves. One-sided crushes. Hell, even my relationship with my parents is dysfunctional, putting me in the parent role most of the time. And every now and then, I wonder whether or not Dana and I are functioning at a normal rate. But none of those compares to the unhealthy, completely dysfunctional and at times unbearable relationship I have with writing.



Some days, I wake up and my fingers itch to scribble in my journal or tap dance across the keys of my laptop. And when the words are flowing...there is no feeling like it. The exhilaration, the adrenaline. It can only be compared to rush of sitting in a roller coaster going downhill at a hundred miles per hour.

Other days, well, they're a different story.

I've been having "other" days for quite some time. These are the days that writing feels like a burden . Even the thought of picking up a pen or opening my WiP fills me with dread.

Today is one of those days. It started off well enough. I got a little written yesterday and I was excited to add to it. But then, once I started to write, a scene popped up. Out of nowhere. It's not in my outline. I'm not even sure there's a need for it. But there it is. Right smack at the beginning of Chapter 13. GRR!

To top things off, it turns out I was writing about something that happens in Chapter 13 way back in Chapter 11. WHAT is going on?

When I get around to revising this, I'm going to need a pair of scissors and about thirty glue sticks. Cutting and pasting in the literal sense. It's abso-freaking-lutely insane.

Sometimes I think maybe I'd be better off without this particular brand of dysfunction.

But then again, maybe not.

And so I write.

Short and Cynical

Another day of cleaning. I finally got the last room of my house in order and it feels awesome. My novel, on the other hand, does NOT feel awesome.

In fact, if my novel were a person, I would punch it in the face.

My day was going well. I had cleaned the bathrooms and folded the laundry and vacuumed and emptied the dishwasher, and I was proud of accomplishing so much. And then I sat down to write.



And proceeded to stare at my open word document, contempt seeping through my veins.

I have to resist the urge to type, "And Mari had the baby and it was cute. The End." And be done with the entire project. I won't, of course. I'll struggle and swear and ponder throwing my laptop out the window until I actually finish. But I won't be happy about it. No siree Bob.

Okay, that's a lie. I'll totally be happy about it. I'm sure I'll do a happy dance and shriek with excitement when I reach the end. I'm sure I'll be walking on air for at least a week, maybe two. Until I get around to the revisions.

Then this horrible process will start all over again.

You ever ask yourself why you do this? Are we all destined to loathe the very same thing we love? Does that make us insane?

Sorry about my moodiness. I'll be back to my usual self by tomorrow (I hope!)

Hope everyone is having a Fabulous Friday!

Wanderlust Wednesday - Amsterdam

So, it’s Wednesday. Time for my weekly daydream post. This week’s destination: Amsterdam.





Now, before any of you jump to conclusions, I don’t want to visit Amsterdam for the same reasons others might. I’m not interested in legalized marijuana or the red light district. Anyone who knows me would know that’s preposterous – and extremely laughable.



The sole reason why I’ve always wanted to visit Amsterdam is to see this place:



The Anne Frank House. When I was twelve, we read The Diary of Anne Frank in English class and I was astounded by the courage and eloquence this young girl – not much older than me at the time – possessed. Ever since, I’ve had a fascination with her. She has been the subject of many high school and college papers and she has inspired me beyond words.



A friend of mine visited the Anne Frank House a few months ago, and she said that there’s a feeling you get as soon as you walk in, like the spirits of all the people who lived there are still wandering the rooms. I can only imagine that feeling…

To be honest, I don’t know much else about Amsterdam, but it looks beautiful, doesn’t it?








Alright, that's all for tonight. Idol Gives Back is on, so I'm going to watch it and then write a little before bed. Tomorrow: I pass on the award that the super-sweet E. Elle gave me!

The TV and the Never-Ending Novel

Ahh.

I'm currently sitting in my living room, enjoying the bright and shiny atmosphere that is a result of all the hard work my family and I have put into getting things in order. The brand new TV doesn't hurt, either!

Remember a while back, I wrote about the shamrocks I was selling at work for Jerry's Kids? Well, my company was having a contest to push us to sell more -- every 200 you sold, you got an entry to win a 42" Plasma TV. I never -- ever -- win anything, so I just went about my business, selling shamrocks for the charity. Well, on Friday, the president of our company came in, helping to carry this big ole box. I immediately assumed my co-worker had won, but when Mr. President said my name, my jaw hit the floor. For real? I actually won something? And something so BIG? I still can't believe it. He even told me I did a good job for selling so many -- I was the top seller in my district!

Of course, I had to rearrange my living room to make room for this thing -- which is why having a brother is so awesome! We finished up yesterday, and I couldn't be more thrilled. My new TV is so pretty. And it was FREE!

Anyway.

Thanks to everyone who tossed their suggestions for reigniting my inspiration my way. I'm still working on it. Sad to say, I haven't TOUCHED my novel in over a week. Other than a few minutes ago, when I paper-clipped chapters together in the mammoth-sized pile of papers I printed off a couple weeks ago. How sad is this? I have two Chapter 5's. I don't know how it happened, or how I didn't realize, but there are definitely two of them. Something to fix when I get to the revisions, I suppose.

So, April is more than half over. This realization fills me with dread. I don't think I'm going to make my deadline. My novel refuses to end. It's like the Energizer Bunny. On crack. It keeps going and going and going and going and...going. I'm really going to have to buckle down and write, write, write! Just immerse myself in words until I get this thing finished. I can't WAIT to type those two words -- The End.

Exhaustion!

I. Am. Exhausted.

Today was a really long day. Okay, okay. So I didn't even start it until noon. But I got a LOT accomplished! Spring cleaning, if you will.

Last week, I got impatient and ripped up the carpet in my hallway. We had a litter of kittens a while back and they shredded the carpet and it looked awful! We kept putting off repairing it for a while, and I kept dropping hints to my handyman dad and brother, hoping they'd come help fix it. They didn't and didn't and I got fed up. I tore the carpet up all by myself, then attempted to put down self-adhesive linoleum tiles. Bad idea. I may have gotten a lot of things from my dad (including my bad temper, unfortunately), but I did NOT inherit the handy gene. It looked ridiculous.

Today, though, my dad came over and fixed it. It looks really pretty and I'm thrilled.

While he was doing that, Dana and my brother fixed our garbage disposal and I raked the yard and sprayed out the litter boxes. Then I got clean up duty. I cleaned up the remnants of tile after my dad was finished, and mopped up water and reorganized my cleaning supplies under the sink after they were done with the garbage disposal. But it takes a lot of weight off my mind to know these things are done. Now, we have to shampoo the carpet and rearrange the living room. It never ends.

I missed writing group tonight. I had the day off and I wanted to go, but we got tied up in house repairs. But it was nice to spend time with my family.

Last week, one of the girls in writing group told me about this website. Ever since then, I've been using it. It's great! I get an email every day -- "You should write 750 words today." Why yes, yes I should. And I was on a five day streak until yesterday! It's good mental exersice. Even if I don't get to my novel, I'm writing every day. And no matter what I write, at least I'm writing. It helps. A LOT.

I haven't written anything for my novel all week, sadly. I am desperate to finish it by June, but I think that desperation is killing my INspiration! Argh! I had every intention on writing tonight, but I'm soooooo tired! How do you guys push yourselves to write? I need some suggestions!

Wanderlust Wednesday - Croatia

I was very indecisive when it came to choosing a destination for this week's Wanderlust post. The first two were relatively easy -- I've always wanted to go to Greece and Italy, so choosing places in those countries was a given. And while there are many other places I want to visit someday and would love to write about, I wanted something a little...less predictable for this week. And I think I found it in Croatia.

I admittedly knew next to nothing about Croatia when I started this post. I'd never even thought about visiting this country until I saw these pictures:







How gorgeous is that? I was looking up images for my Santorini post and someone had written a list of a hundred places THEY wanted to visit. Plitvice Lakes was one of those places. And it's easy to see why. Plitvice Lakes National Park lies in the Plitvice plateau which is surrounded by three mountains. The sixteen lakes are separated by natural dams of travertine, which is a form of sedimentary rock, and are divided into upper and lower clusters. Ranging from vivid azure to slate gray to green and a thousand shades in between, the colors of these lakes are magnificent. The colors change constantly, depending on the angle of the sunlight and the quantity of minerals or organisms in the water. Hidden behind the countless waterfalls, there are various crags and limestone caves. This is truly a place of mystery and all-natural, breathtaking beauty.

The country of Croatia lies right across from Italy, separated by the Adriatic Sea, and is a diverse landscape, from lakes and plains to rolling hills. It seems like a guarantee that no matter where you go in this country, you'll find a view to salivate over.



For example, Mljet (pronounced Mil-yet) -- an island on the Southeast side of Croatia -- harbors yet another national park.



As does Paklenica.



And Brijuni.



The landscape of this country is so varied it'd be a challenge to find two similar locations. Mountains and lakes, trees and rivers, waterfalls and rock...Croatia has it all. I think you'd have to take an extended vacation to see everything this country has to offer. Wouldn't you agree?

Oh, and here's an interesting writerly fact: Some of the world's first fountain pens came from Croatia.

That wraps up this week's edition of Wanderlust Wednesday. I hope you guys enjoyed it! Any suggestions for next week?

Ew, Friday!

Friday. I would say thank God it's Friday, but I work today, and Fridays are frightening in my line of work, sooo...wish me luck!

The sun has finally decided to grace us with its presence. I am thrilled that the rain stopped, even though it's still chilly out there. Spring is definitely a bi-polar season.

I switched up the ticker at the top of my page. I changed the goal to 80,000 words and, as you can see, I'm really close. I don't think I'll be finished with this story in less than a thousand more words -- probably not for another 10k, at least. I was lamenting on this subject last night at writing group. I have just printed off my entire manuscript and it's sitting heavily on my desk, daunting at 321 pages. 321 pages! How did that happen? My main character still has three months of pregnancy left! Not to mention the wrapping it all up scenes at the end of the book! I nearly hyperventilated. But when I mentioned this at group last night, everyone was in agreement that it's better to have too much than not enough. And, boy, do I have too much!

I have to admit, I'm getting excited about the revision stage. I can't wait to get my hands dirty, so to speak. I've got my red pens ready, the chapters all separated (how did I manage to have TWO completely different chapter 5's?) and my editor's brain has already spotted a few typos. BUT! I'm not going to touch it until I've typed The End.

So, how do you guys go about the revision process? Do you wait until you've finished the entire project? Or do you dive right in after the first chapter is written, polish it till it shines, then go back and write another? I've tried it both ways, and I always end up getting caught up and making my first few chapters perdy that I don't get around to finishing it. What works best for you?

Hope everyone has a great Friday! I'm off to write a few hundred words before work!

Edited to thank Officegirl for this adorable award! I'll pass it on in my next entry!

Wanderlust Wednesday - Venice

Okay, it’s technically Thursday, but I didn’t want to miss this week’s Wanderlust post. I’ve been thinking about which destination to write about all week and just now came to a decision. Venice.

Venice, Italy.



Italy will probably take up a large chunk of this series. I’ve always had this dream of backpacking my way through Italy, one glorious stop at a time. And while I probably wouldn’t actually start in Venice, all the watery pictures seemed fitting, since it hasn’t stopped raining here for two days.

Also known as “City of Water,” “City of Bridges,” and “City of Masks,” among many other names, Venice is located in northern Italy. Its maze of canals spans across 117 small islands on the Venetian Lagoon, along the Adriatic Sea. The canals serve the same function as roads and most every mode of transportation is on the water. Gondolas are mainly used for tourists these days, but are also used for weddings, funerals or other big events. Otherwise, Venetians travel by waterbuses.



Often called the most beautiful city built by mankind, Venice is home to some of the most breathtaking views to be found in all of Europe -- probably the world. It’s also been described as one of Europe’s most romantic cities. Can’t you just imagine it? Cuddled up to the one you love in the back of a gondola as you’re steered through a maze of gorgeous architecture, history all around you. The ghosts of other couples just as madly in love as you are welcoming you. How many proposals do you think this city has seen? Weddings? Honeymoons? It just screams romance, don’t you think?



Venice is also a great place for museum-hopping. There are countless museums filled with gorgeous, history-drenched pieces of art just waiting for you to admire. Even the bridges themselves are artwork. The Bridge of Sighs, pictured below, connects the old prisons to the interrogation rooms in Doge’s Palace. It earned its name from the idea that the prisoners would take in their last view of Venice before being taken to their cells and sigh. I’m sure the sight would make me sigh, too.



How’s this for a great piece of writing history? Did you know that Venice was home to one of Italy’s earliest printing presses? And it was responsible for printing half of Italy’s published books? Pretty cool, huh?



Okay, sorry about being late this week. Next week, I'll try to be more prompt! I hope you guys enjoyed this little Italian detour and enjoy your Thursdays!

Blah, Mondays...and an Award!

Ugh. Monday. I woke up this morning with a head cold from Hades. The way I'm feeling is in sharp contrast to the beautiful day we're having. The sun is out, there's a nice breeze (read: spring breeze -- the blow-you-over kind) and the birds are chirping. Ahh, the irony.

I suppose it fits, though. My mood is foul. I have to work today. Three to close, which is 1am, or whenever we wrap up the cleaning duties. I loathe ten hour days, but they allow me to get my hours in and have that lovely third day off, so who am I to complain?

Anyway, I was cheered up when I found out that Julie over at Silver Lining gave me an award today. Thanks, Julie! You're a sweetheart!

In the time-honored tradition of blog awards, I will pass it on to a few of the loverly ladies in the blogging world:

1. Roni at Fiction Groupie -- Who, by the way, also passed on an award to her fellow writer/bloggers
2. E. Elle at The Writer's Funhouse
3. Alexandra at The Publication Follies of Alexandra Shostak
4. Frankie at Frankie Writes
5. OfficeGirl at Tired But Writing...

I have to leave for work in less than an hour and, considering I got zero words written over the weekend, I better make the most of my time! Hope everyone has a great Monday!

Rambling and a Shout-Out

So it's half past midnight right now and I can barely keep my eyes open. It was a long day at work. A busy one. One filled with superior, grumpy people who thought it was perfectly okay to talk to me like I was an idiot. I love those days, let me tell ya.

Anyway, I've been working on my novel, despite my exhaustion. Last night, I made it to the weekly meeting of NaNo folks and I finally gave first person a go. I haven't quite decided how I feel about it. It's different, refreshing. For now. But I find myself reverting back to third person. Either that or I'll start writing in first person, present tense when the rest of the novel is in past tense. Mari, my main character, is developing a stronger voice with the POV change. That, I definitely like. Who knows if I'll keep it in first, but for now, it's given my novel just the right amount of energy after weeks of loathing and laziness. I don't think I've completely gotten over the "I hate my novel" phase just yet. Hate has turned into strong dislike. And I think it's got a lot to do with the fact that I've been trying to finish it since November. I just want to type "The End" and shove it into a drawer somewhere for a couple months, forget all about it while I lose myself in something new. I actually can't wait for that moment, which is why I keep pushing on. I NEED to get this thing finished!

I finished reading Water for Elephants last night. I loved it. I'll write my review soon. Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer are up next with Don't Look Down. I felt I needed something a little lighter after the book I was just immersed in.

I was reading some of the blogs I follow and came across this
. If I had known about it in time, I would have loved to participate! Although I'm pretty sure my first page is shoddy and clumsy compared to some of the ones I read. I want to give a shout out to Julie at Silver Lining for her spectacular first page. This page is part of a novel that placed in the quarter finals of the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award and I, for one, can't wait to read it!

Alright, I should probably get some sleep. I've got another long day ahead of me tomorrow. Fingers crossed, I'll have some time and energy to write when I get home!

Wanderlust Wednesday - Santorini

This is a little something I've decided to try. Every Wednesday (or most Wednesdays, anyway) I'm going to post about one of the many places I long to visit someday. Today, the focus is a little place I like to call Paradise. Santorini, Greece.

Ahh, Santorini.



Ever since I caught the wanderlust bug, Santorini has called my name. With its endless expanse of skies and waters of impossible blue, it holds a beauty I can only dream of. And I do dream of it. I dream of tipping my face upward, inhaling salty, warm breezes while the sun kisses my face. I dream of a place where worries dissipate in the startling sunlight. Oh, do I ever dream.



And then I watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. For those of you who have either read the books or seen the movies, you know that Lena has family in Greece. In Santorini. The scenes shot there (even though the movie was a poor imitation of the book) were absolutely gorgeous. This place is post card perfect.



A little history on this little piece of heaven on earth: Santorini is essentially what remains of an enormous volcanic explosion, which destroyed the earliest settlements of what was formerly a single island. The island’s cliffs slope into the Aegean Sea on three sides. The fourth side boasts a lagoon, which is separated from the sea by Therasia, a smaller island.





Named by the Latin Empire in the thirteenth century, Santorini is a reference to Saint Irene, one of three sisters who were martyred for their faith in 304 CE. Before then, it was known as Kalliste, which means the beautiful one. Rather fitting, don’t you think?



Enjoy swimming? Santorini has beaches galore! The color of the sand (i.e white, red or black) depends on which geologic layer is exposed. Some have sand while others have pebbles made of solidified lava. The water at the darker beaches is generally warmer because the lava absorbs heat.





And a little something for the myth buffs out there -- there is evidence linking the myth of Atlantis to Santorini!

Anyway, I hope my foray into travel-writing/daydreaming didn't bore any of you. Let me know what you think -- should I keep this series at one installment, or continue with next week's dream destination?

Diving In

Decisions, decisions!

I really appreciate everyone's thoughts on my latest dilemma. I'm still torn, though. On one hand, I want to try changing my POV. But it's a big, scary change. And, sadly, I've never written anything in first person before. But I want to try it.

On the other hand, I talked to a couple other people about this, and they are strongly opposed to the change. I mean, STRONGLY. The words "hated it" and "it's awful" were tossed around. Which is kind of discouraging, when the whole idea behind changing it is to make it better. Dana said it was awkward and didn't flow, and that third person fits my writing style better. That I've worked hard and come a long way, why try to change that now?

Blah!

Anyway, I totally intend on giving it a go. I'm going to dive into writing in first person right now and see where it takes me.

In other news, I've been trying to write each morning again. I used to do it pretty regularly a while ago, but I fell off the wagon. I've found it to be very helpful and therapeutic, as well as good exercise (for the mind, anyway). I'm finally using the gorgeous journal I got for Christmas, which makes me all kinds of happy.

I suppose that's all for now. I've got to get up early (yuck) for work (double yuck).

To Change, or Not to Change...

I changed the layout of my blog. I felt I needed something more...spring-like. Let me know if anything is hard to read!

Anyway, the point of this post: I've been considering changing the point of view of my novel. Right now, it's in third person. I always write in third person. It's my comfort zone. It's what I do best.

But...I'm starting to think that this novel would work better in first person. I'd love any thoughts I could get on this subject. And, to maybe help generate some educated opinions, here's a tiny excerpt, written both ways:


Third:
“What do you mean, you're being inseminated?” Fern Alandale, Maribel's best friend since grade school, looked at her like she'd suddenly spouted a third eye right smack in the middle of her forehead.

“Just what I said. I'm being inseminated. I already called and made the appointment.” Mari tore off a piece of bread from the loaf in the center of the table and popped it into her mouth. It was the next day, and Mari was sitting across from Fern in their favorite restaurant, Daisy's Diner. Mari just told Fern about her break-up with Tom, and the idea that struck her late last night.

“But...why?” Fern's mossy eyes narrowed and she tucked a strand of short, dark hair behind her ear. Mari took in her friend's expression and smiled. Fern had never been able to hide any emotions racing through her. Her full, fair face revealed everything, whether she flushed of embarrassment or paled from fear. Or, like now, narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips in confusion. Fern was an open book. Which was one of the things Mari always loved about her.

Swallowing her bite, Maribel explained. “Remember the list?”

“The list? Oh, gosh, really? This is about the list?” Eyes widened, Fern showed her disbelief.

With a laugh, Mari continued. “No, I was just starting at the beginning. I pulled the list out last night and was reading it. And it occurred to me - I have lived too long by a plan. An arbitrary list of things to do with my life. And, sure, some of them worked out, but do I really want to spend forever planning and listing, when I could be spontaneous and do what I want when I want.” She took another bite and continued, mouth full. “And what I want is a baby.”





First
“What do you mean, you're being inseminated?” Fern Alandale, my best friend since grade school, looked at me like I'd suddenly spouted a third eye right smack in the middle of my forehead.

“Just what I said. I'm being inseminated. I already called and made the appointment.” I tore off a piece of bread from the loaf in the center of the table and popped it into my mouth. It was the next day, and I was sitting across from Fern in our favorite restaurant, Daisy's Diner. I had just finished telling Fern about my break-up with Tom, and the idea that struck me late last night.

“But...why?” Fern's mossy eyes narrowed and she tucked a strand of short, dark hair behind her ear. I took in my friend's expression and smiled. Fern had never been able to hide any emotions racing through her. Her full, fair face revealed everything, whether she flushed of embarrassment or paled from fear. Or, like now, narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips in confusion. Fern was an open book. Which was one of the things I had always loved about her.

Swallowing my bite, I explained. “Remember the list?”

“The list? Oh, gosh, really? This is about the list?” Eyes widened, Fern showed her disbelief.

With a laugh, I continued. “No, I was just starting at the beginning. I pulled the list out last night and was reading it. And it occurred to me - I have lived too long by a plan. An arbitrary list of things to do with my life. And, sure, some of them worked out, but do I really want to spend forever planning and listing, when I could be spontaneous and do what I want when I want.” I took another bite and continued, mouth full. “And what I want is a baby.”



Now, I'm aware it's not that great. This is straight out of my first draft, only the I's and she's changed. I'm really getting excited about editing this thing. Some of it is not as awful as I'd feared. I am worried, though, that if I decide to change my POV, I'll get overwhelmed with all the changes and run away screaming. Which is why I'm here, asking for the help of all you lovely ladies (and gentlemen?) out there who write and struggle with the same things.

Any opinions would be much appreciated!

Split Personalities

Three things occurred to me when I woke up this morning. The first being that it's Saturday, the second that I have the day off and the third that it's sun-shiny gorgeous outside. This should automatically imply that I'll be doing something involving soaking up the rays. I might go bike shopping, since I've wanted a bike for a while now and I have a little extra cash with which to purchase one. Other than that, I have no plans. Zip, zilch, zero.

Which means I should either be writing or reading. I started Water For Elephants two weeks ago and just made it to the third chapter. Not for any other reason that I haven't found the time. I've been trying to write as much as possible. It's almost certain that I won't make my 30k goal by the end of the month. That is, after all, about 15k in three days. I've taken the pressure off myself though. I've been getting about a thousand words written pretty regularly each day, almost two thousand on Thursday. I'm trucking along. My story is making progress, though not as quickly as I'd like. But I'll reach the end...eventually.

I've got split personalities when it comes to editing this massive piece of word vomit. Part of me is like a child on Christmas morning -- jumping up and down with excitement to get my hands on that red (yes, I actually edit in red) pen. The other part of me is dragging her feet, afraid of the mess that I'm going to find. It's going to take forever to fix the plot holes and weak characters and awkward dialogue and flat writing that is this novel. And I've never done a full, all the way through, edit. I'm usually the kind of person who writes a couple chapters, then goes back and rewrites what doesn't work. The downfall to this method is that I get so caught up in making these chapters bright and shiny that I don't write any further. I did this with two other novels I started -- one of which is three years in progress. With this one, I want to finish it, to get to the end, then go back and make it pretty. And it's going to take a lot to make this one pretty.

I'm scared.

Anyway, it's now early afternoon and I'm still in my PJs, so I'm gonna get my day started. Hope everyone has a super Saturday!

Ten Commandments

Right, so I have been a blogging maniac lately. I think it's my semi-constructive way of procrastinating. After all, writing is writing, even if it's just random dribble. Right?

Anyway, this is a really quick post. I've been reading The Pocket Muse and came across this list. I thought it would be nice to share with all you fellow writers.

Ten Commandments for a Happy Writing Life

1. Don't wait for inspiration; establish a writing habit.
2. Take time off.
3. Read voraciously.
4. Shut out the inner critic.
5. Claim a space.
6. Claim some time.
7. Accept rejection.
8. Expect success.
9. Live fully.
10. Wish others well.

And now I'm off to write a bit before work. Happy Thursday, everyone!

Four Things

Borrowed this from Erin:

Four jobs I've held:
Babysitter
Respite Caregiver
Cashier
Cook (Technically, the last two are the same job, but I have a short job history!)

Four movies I've watched over and over again:
Breakfast at Tiffany's
Sabrina
While You Were Sleeping
Ella Enchanted

Four places I've been:
Michigan
South Carolina
Ohio
Does the Upper Peninsula of Michigan count?

Four TV shows I watch:
American Idol
Glee (Like crack!)
Cougar Town (hilarious!)
Scrubs (re-runs...I still love it, though!)

Four radio shows I listen to:
I don't really listen to radio shows...sometimes I catch Ryan Seacrest in the morning *shrugs*

Four things I look forward to:
Motherhood
Publication
Spring
Bubble baths and good books

Four favourite foods:
Pizza
Tacos
Oatmeal cookies
Ice cream

Four places I'd rather be:
Greece
Italy
France
Bed

Four songs I hit repeat on over and over again:
Happy - Rachel Williams
Need You Now - Lady Antebellum
Livin' On a Prayer - Bon Jovi
Bad Romance - Lady GaGa (sadly)

It's a Love/Hate Thing

I should be sleeping. I've got work in the morning and I am NOT a morning person. Odds are, if I don't go to sleep soon, I'll be grumpy all day. But sleep won't come.

I'm writing. Or, at least, I'm trying to. As of right now, the ratio of words written to Youtube videos watched is extremely unbalanced. This is what I mean when I say I can't resist the distractions!

To be fair, I've been trying to write. I'm just getting frustrated. Every scene I write just goes on and on and on and....on. They never. Freaking. End. To be honest, it's driving me batty. I mean, I have an outline for God's sake. Is this some sick game my muse is playing on me? This should be relatively easy, just getting the basic skeleton of each scene written, as they appear on my outline, to be revised at a later date. Turns out, this is easier said than done.

I can't say I've had this problem much in my writing history. Usually, I write an outline and the scenes flow. Not really smoothly. It's a first draft, after all. (Speaking of which, Sarah over at Sarah with a Chance wrote an awesome entry about the pain and frustration and feelings of hatred that come along with the first draft process -- check it out!)I'm feeling more and more like I want to print the two hundred and something pages of this thing out and throw them through a wood (or maybe word?) chipper, just to seek revenge on the hell it's putting me through!

It seems like writing was so much easier when I was younger. That daydreaming sixteen-year-old who'd read hundreds of romance novels, then decided she could write one. That first novel was like an adrenaline rush, all the way through. There were no thoughts of how bad the writing was (which, I'm sure it was) or whether or not the plot made sense (I'm sure it didn't). Or if my characters would actually do or say the things I wanted them to. The second novel flowed just as easily. I spent many days in my college Lit class scribbling away in the notebook I'd designated for novel-writing. I had fallen madly in love. I had found my calling. I was a novelist. Up until this point, I'd harbored dreams of moving to Nashville to become a songwriter -- never mind that I can't a) sing or b) play an instrument. I was a dreamer, and that was enough.

But the moment I picked up that pen and decided to create two characters out of mid-air and let them find their happy-ever-after with each other, my heart was lost to the wonderful world of fiction. And I've been in love ever since. But, like in any relationship, there are bad times. The kicking, screaming, throwing things at the wall kind of fights that leave you pouting for days. Words go on strike. Your muse decides to take a vacation without telling you. You have the perfect idea for the next scene in your novel, but when you sit down to write it...nothing. You convince yourself you were insane to ever believe you could do this, but then the next day, you just know this is what you were meant to be: a writer. A novelist. An author. A published author. You just didn't realize when you fell so hard for this tricky craft of writing just how HARD it was going to be.

And that's where I'm at just now. This business of writing a book is SO. DAMN. HARD. Even as I think about giving up, retiring my pen for good, I know I could never do it. Writing owns my heart. That's all there is to it. So I must suffer. And push myself. And forge through these hard times. Because somewhere down the road, maybe a few feet or so, maybe a couple thousand miles, there's a light. One of those neon marquis signs, flashing bright pinks and oranges and yellows and blues against the black night sky. And it's saying: You Did It.

And damned if I don't want to get there.

Bad, Bad Writing

So I've been a writing machine the past couple days, as you can see from the above ticker. The number of words to go keeps getting smaller, and I'm getting psyched.

But here's the problem: I'm 99.9999999% sure my book will not be finished, even when I hit my word goal. Turns out, I'm writing a behemoth of a novel. I'm nearing 70k, as a whole, and my main character is still only 5 months pregnant. Revision should be...interesting. I'm going to need a hacksaw, a needle and some thread when I finish this thing. Major reconstructive surgery will be necessary.

I'm getting discouraged as I write, though. More and more sure that I suck as a writer. I mean, this first draft is the worst first draft I've ever written. The beginnings of my sentences keep throwing me off, yanking me out of the zone. I seem to have lost the ability to start a sentence with anything but my characters' names, -ing words (i.e, "Fumbling for words, she stared at him) or the, he or she. It's driving me insane. The clickety-clack of the keys seems to be chanting "You suck, you suck, you suck," as I type.

I'm forging on, though. Bad writing is better than no writing. Even if it's going to take twenty years to rewrite!

Anyone Have a Paper Bag?

I am having a minor panic attack. I just did the math. And while math is so not my forte, I fear the numbers are correct. And I can't breathe.

Thanks to a severe case of Slackeritis, I now have to write 1700 words a day to make my March goal of 30,000. That's officially more words per day than NaNoWriMo was. That said, I can do it. I wrote around that much every day in November. But it's still a stiff and intimidating deadline.

Day before yesterday, I wrote 1268 words in the hour before work. I had gotten there early, so I decided to take advantage of the gorgeous weather and sit at one of the outside tables. My muse must really love sunshine, because the words, they were a-flowin'. A random, unplanned scene even made an appearance. I really had fun writing said scene, even if I couldn't figure out how to end it last night when I finally picked my pen back up.

Speaking of pen, does anyone else find that this is the easiest way to write? Good old-fashioned pen and paper? Without the distractions of the internet? I've been doing this all week, every time I write. I know that if I open my laptop, I'll be too tempted by the wonders of the internet and I won't get a damn word written.

Dana bought me a new pen for Christmas. As stated in my previous post, I have an obsession for office supplies. Pens are number two on my list, right below notebooks and journals. Anyway, I love this pen. It's nothing too fancy. A Uni-ball gel pen with a really squishy grip. Anyway, as I was writing outside the other day, I was spurred on by the way the ink glided over the page, all shiny and wet, only to dry just as quickly. It's the little things that keep me going, I guess...

I now have 37 minutes before I leave for work. I should write.