Internet = Evil

It is too early. Or at least by my standards. I work nights, usually, and today I'm working a day shift. My eyelids are still heavy and begging to be relieved of their duties, and my head is still fuzzy. Sadly, I can't go back to bed. And so I'm here.

The other day, I had a few spare hours in which to write. I found myself procrastinating. Looking for anything to do that was NOT writing. I cleaned the bathroom, loaded the dishwasher, vacuumed, and reorganized my book case. Finally, out of things to do, I sat down at the desk I was so proud of putting together this past winter, opened my word document and...got on the internet.

The internet is evil It distracts me from my writerly duties and sucks me into its wonderful world of both useless and useful information. I cyber-stalk celebrities on Twitter, see what my friends are up to on Facebook and Myspace (yes, I have both...I can't part with Myspace!) and read an endless supply of blogs. And then I sign into Yahoo messenger and chat with various friends as they sign in and out, getting on with their lives much quicker than I do.

But the other day, all this procrastination worked in my favor. One of the friends I chat with is also a writer. She was lamenting on her lack of writing, and so I suggested we write, uninterrupted, for 10 minutes. No internet-browsing, no chatting, nothing. Just writing. The first time, I ended up with 350 words. Excited by this, we did another two rounds. I got 900 words in 30 minutes. I was thrilled. Later that night, I wrote another 200. I'm sure it's mostly crap, but it's words!!

I'm still nowhere near the 30k I want to write this month, but it's a start. Also, at the top of my page, I installed a handy-dandy, shiny and cute word-count thingamajig, as suggested by Erin Thanks to the awesome advice you guys gave me on my last entry, I have been much more motivated and excited to write. All of you rock my socks. Thanks again!

Alright. I've got 22 minutes before I start work. Maybe I can squeeze in a few hundred words.

Dear Novel, I Hate You.

Aright, so I finished my outline about three days ago. After a couple days of reworking the dates (which is very important with a pregnant main character) I thought I was ready to get back to work on the novel. My poor novel hasn't been touched in months. When I opened that document, I had no idea where I was even at. I had to scroll up and read the entire last chapter just to get my head back into the story. And then, believing I was prepared to write, I put my fingers on my keyboard and...nothing. I don't know what's going on in my brain, but it's not too keen on creativity right now. As I stared at my screen, it occurred to me:

I.

Hate.

My.

Novel.


Okay, not really. Somewhere deep, deep...deep inside, I'm sure I still love my novel. I love the characters, the story, the basic idea. But I've stressed so much about finishing this thing ever since November ended that, well, my enthusiasm for the project has died a tragic death.

I believe we should start a support group for people going through this very same thing. The "I Hate My Novel Support Group." I am sure I'm not the only one that goes through this. I'm also sure that non-writers don't get it. I was talking to Dana about it last night, and she said, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

So is the life of a writer.

The voices you hear in your head that you're afraid to mention for fear of others questioning your sanity. The proclamations of hatred for something you slave over for months, even years, only to have people ask you why you bother, if you hate it so much. The lack of understanding for the frenzied and, well, crazy manner with which you attack your computer screen or notebook when the muse has deigned to show up. The deep, dark fits of depression when the writing isn't going just as planned, the extreme, almost manic happiness when the words flow like wine. This is why it is important to have writer friends, whether they're in real life or strictly online. Without them, you feel outcasted and crazy. And, let's face it, we writers are crazy enough on our own, without the opinions of outsiders condemning us as such.

Anyway, I've gone off track. My novel. I hate it. Whenever I think of working on it, I get angry and frustrated and literally want to run away. This is no good, considering I want to finish it by April 1st. So, here's my question to all you writers out there: How do you get through this stage of noveling? Prefferably without tossing the entire thing out the window?

I haven't gotten to my reading list yet. There are still about a hundred pages left in the Carly Phillips novel I'm reading: The Heartbreaker It's the third book in the Chandler brother series, and it just might be my favorite. Maybe I'll write a review for it to warm up for the other twelve I'll be writing this year...

Right now, I'm procrastinating. I've got my word documents pulled up on my computer -- one's my outline and the other's my novel. I'm trying to finish my outline by Monday, so that I can write, write, write in March. The plan is to finish my Nano novel by the end of next month, then let it sit for a couple weeks and go back to edit. Fingers crossed, I'll be able to stick to this plan (unlike my ambitious and optimistic goals for 2010).

I was super-motivated earlier. I got a 30 minute break at work today and I scribbled in my journal the entire time. By the time I got home, sadly, I was too tired to even think about writing. I typed out what I'd written earlier, and I've been trying to write ever since. I'm making progress, but not nearly enough. Impatience and discouragement have become constant companions. And I'm tired of their company!

I went to a writing group last night -- the same group I'd attended a couple times during NaNoWriMo. They're awesome people and the environment is conducive to writing. I'd like to go to these meetings regularly, but until the snow lets up and melts some, it's a bit tough.

Anyway, I should get back to that outline. Those characters aren't going to plan the rest of the story themselves!

Then again, maybe they will...

2010 Reading List

I was browsing the web this morning as a way to procrastinate from my writerly duties when I came across this, which may or may not be a good idea for me. Not only would it force me to read, but it would force me to write. And although it would just be a review of the book I just read, writing is writing and, let's face it, I need all the help I can get. So, after going through the books on my long-abandoned shelf, I've compiled a list that I want to read this year. Although I'm already nearly two months behind, I'm still gonna give it a shot. So, without further ado (because I just know everyone's on the edge of their seat waiting), here's my reading list for 2010:

1. Best Friends Forever by Jennifer Weiner
2. Paint It Black by Janet Fitch
3. Atonement by Ian McEwan
4. Middlesex by Jeffery Eugenides
5. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
6. Son of a Witch by Gregory Maguire
7. The History of the Pink Carnation by Lauren Willig
8. Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst
9. The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger
10. Salem Falls by Jodi Picoult
11. Don't Look Down by Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer
12. The Last Time We Met by Anita Shreve

These are all the books I've purchased over the last year or so that I haven't gotten around to reading. They taunt me from their places on my shelves. Along with about two dozen more. There are, of course, easier reads among them that I want to get to this year, but I figured if I included them, I wouldn't get to the others. I'm an avid romance/chick-lit fan and would love to simply fill my list with them, but I'm determined to expand my reading horizons. Should I make it through this list, I would also like to read these:

13. Faking It by Jennifer Crusie
14. Getting Rid of Bradley by Jennifer Crusie
15. Good Grief by Lolly Winston
16. Talk Nerdy to Me by Vicki Lewis Thompson
17. Skin Tight by Susan Andersen
18. Baby, I'm Yours by Susan Andersen
19. My Best Friend's Girl by Dorothy Koomson
20. Doing Good by Pamela Morsi

There used to be a time when reading twenty books in a year would have been easy. Heck, forty books would have been easy. But somewhere down the line, I got lazy. I'm reading less, writing less and becoming less intelligent by the day. It's a travesty. This is the year, though. This is the year that I pull myself back together and immerse myself in words. Just like I used to.

...as soon as I finish the Carly Phillips novel I'm about half through.

Edit to add: I haven't been ignoring the comments on my posts intentionally -- I didn't know they were there. I think I've figured out how to be notified when I get a comment, so I won't ignore you guys anymore. I'm sorry!

February's Plans

So, I have been seriously considering doing a mini-NaNoWriMo in February. 30,000 words in 28 days. I'm in desperate need of finishing this darn novel and I can't seem to do it without the pressure of a deadline. I start writing, and thoughts race through my head. "Oh, this sucks." "You really are an awful writer, you know that?" "Could this be any more boring?" The last thought, of course, comes out sounding like Chandler Bing. It's all flat, dull prose that makes me want to throw my computer out the window (which, obviously, I would never do -- I spent too much money on the thing!).

I think I need the pressure. The motivation. I need to be pushed. And if I have a deadline, no matter that it's self-imposed, I believe it will help me finish this darn story.

First things first, I have to finish my outline. I had just enough written to get me through NaNo, and now I'm floundering. I have a hard time writing if I don't know where I'm going next. I don't know what it is, I guess I crave the predictability. I need to get my poor MC past her fifth month of pregnancy, past the awkward feelings for her brother's best friend, past the stress of keeping so many secrets, and onto a less dramatic, less stress-filled life. She may be a fictional character, but I feel bad for putting her through so much!

Sadly, I don't know if I can be ready by February. It's already the 30th. I'd have to finish my outline in one day. Which, I guess, is entirely feasible since I don't have to work tomorrow and I have an hour and a half to kill after work before I can even head home. As long as I put my nose to the grindstone -- by the way, I have never understood that saying -- I should be able to finish it up. And then I can continue working on the novel itself.

So...30k in 28 days. 1071 words a day. I can do it! Onward, ho!

In other news, I got my taxes done yesterday. I'm getting a pretty decent amount back. In my head, I'm planning out what needs to be done with the money. Pay Dana back for Christmas (she always buys all the gifts and we split the cost...minus whatever we spent on each other, of course), pay off the bill that's been stressing me out all year, get the new puppy it's shots and get it spayed/neutered (haven't decided if we're getting a boy or girl yet, but we're definitely getting one!) And, Dana wants to go halfsies on a Wii and accessories. I'm sure that won't leave me with much, but whatever's left will sit in my saving's account as a safety net. Which, with my unstable hours, is a necessity.

I'm really looking forward to getting back on the writing wagon. Wish me luck!

Writing Resolutions

I purchased a cheap planner from Target last week while I was out finishing Christmas shopping, and I plan to use it to track my writing progress. On the first page, I made a list of my writing goals for 2010. They include:

1. Write at least 500 words a day. (Much more feasible than the 1667 that I did this past November)
2. Finish NaNo '09 project. (My poor pregnant MC needs to have that baby!)
3. Revise NaNo '09 project. (It needs to NOT suck when I get my CreateSpace copy!)
4. Finish the Tierney/Jack story. (This is the one I've been working on for years. This is the year I finish it. I swear it!)
5. Revise said story. (For peace of mind, if nothing else, this project needs to be done.)
6. Plan NaNo '10 project. (No last-minute scribbles of plot points on scraps of paper again!)
7. Do at least one "mini-NaNo" before November. (Maybe use it to finish one of the above.)
8. Go to writing groups regularly. (They help make me a more productive writer.)
9. Read more books. (Yes, books. Not just magazines or blogs. But real, actual BOOKS!!)
10. Write in journal or blog daily.

There, 10 goals for 2010. I am determined. I am serious. I am 100% dedicated to getting back into the swing of things. I am a writer.

I.

Am.

A.

Writer.

And I will write, damn it!
6.